Day 11-13 Confidence and Fear

One of the best parts of what I get to do for a living is sit down in front of curriculum, a book or a Lesson Topic and come up with a new idea about something. The amazing thing is that the flow of ideas is seemingly inexhaustible. When I prepare for a class; when I sit down in front of a blank "Lesson Worksheet"; when I envision a workshop or seminar, suddenly the ideas are there.

Frankly, I never considered the flow of new ideas even remotely remarkable until I read the Mental Diet for day 12. The idea that someone might question the availability of new ideas, feel uninspired or uncreative had never occurred to me. I had never once considered myself the source of these ideas. The fact was I had never considered a source for ideas, period. Ideas just were. inspiration just was. I began thinking then of those things in my life that hadn't always come to me quite so easily, money, love, personal satisfaction, purpose and joy of living.

There are people in the world, even people in my life who NEVER seem to trouble themselves about some of things that were always missing in my life. Was there an inexhaustible source of wealth, love, meaning and satisfaction that they just took for granted too and never questioned?

The Monday night, "Emma class" was all about faith and doubt and the central idea in the discussion was how what we have faith in expands. I have faith in a storehouse of ideas that I can dip into like dropping a bucket into a well. There's always water there. I also have had faith in "not enough". In those circumstances, we call it doubt but in reality, it is faith in there not being enough and our faith is rewarded. "When she got there the cupboard was bare ..."

Jesus didn't say "consider the lilies of the field" because he thought it would be a good idea. He said it because that is how he viewed the world. The idea struck me. Jesus NEVER walked up to anyone and offered to heal them, help them or save them. He also NEVER refused to perform a miracle when it was asked of him. Why didn't he go around just healing everyone where he saw the need? He didnt "see" the need.

He lived his life so connected to that which he called "the Father within" that he looked on all of life as "perfect" He needed to be reminded or have it brought to his attention that the paralytic at the pool saw himself as limited; that there was no more wine at the feast or that the crowd was hungry. He needed to be introduced to the limited experience of those around him, see it through their eyes before he could address it.

This absolutist vision of the world could appear to be callous and selfish. Such unmindfulness of human suffering can be interpreted as a denial, as well it might be.

To have absolute faith in the "Good" back of all things can be seen as self-delusion. To have faith in an unfailing source of well being, happiness, love may appear to be the mark of a naive optimist but ... the truly wealthy never question their resources. When you are "in love" you never question love. when you are in good health you don't wonder if you'll one day be sick. When I sit down in front of the computer I don't pray, "I hope I have a good idea or two today." If I were to have that thought (which I never do) I think that would be enough to keep me away from the computer entirely.

The miracle of our Good doesn't come when we least expect it. On the contrary, it comes when we most expect it ... without expecting it at all.